The Stranger I Like(2.1)

 [Chapter 2]  

Limerence

An intense romantic obsession

Trust in communication should be bigger than your overthinking.

When two people connect despite the miles between them, maintaining meaningful conversations becomes essential. But, yeh overthinking naam ki cheez na, bond ka band baja ke chhodti hai! You are aware of their schedule, you know how packed their life is, phir bhi mann mein sawaal uthta hai, "Yeh message itnaa late seen kyun?" & the  irony? They still reply to every single texts of yours! Toh phir dikkat kis baat ki hai bhai? Dimag hi zyada over-smart ban raha hai shayad!

A battle raged inside my head, jaise Bigg Boss ka naya season mere andar shoot ho raha ho aur dono contestants main hi hoon! One side was my overthinker self, sensitive, fearful, always getting anxious, while on the other side, there was the calm, understanding, mature side just trying to restore some peace. It felt like an eviction was about to happen or maybe I'd win the trophy, but the real chaos? The drama in my head didn't seem to end!

The overthinker me spoked, trembling with doubt: “What if he doesn’t like me back? What if he finds someone else—someone more beautiful, which I’m not? He told me he’s not interested in anyone now, but what if someday he meets someone better? Someone closer, someone who shares his daily life, someone who isn’t just a distant friend? Maybe I should just stop thinking about him altogether. What if that means he’s not interested in talking to me?”

These questions felt suffocating, as if they carried fragments of truth. The distance between us felt like an impenetrable wall, and I began to wonder if I was chasing something unattainable.

But then, the other me—the stronger, more hopeful one—answered back with calm determination: "How foolish would I be to assume he doesn’t care? I know his life is full—friends, family, a demanding profession, and his own need for peace. I can’t selfishly expect all his time and attention. His world doesn’t revolve around me, and that’s okay." 

I had to trust in my feelings and let go of the fear. If our bond was true, I believed he would share with me honestly if someone else entered his life. After all, we’re friends first, and friends don’t hide the truth. It's okey if he doesn't like me atleast he likes my writing, which mean he valued the part of me I poured into my words. 

It isn’t always about having your feelings returned. To care for someone deeply is to surrender to your emotions, allowing them to flow freely, even when the path ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. For something as delicate as this to grow, trust must be the sunlight that nurtures it. I reminded myself not to let the whirlwind of my insecurities cloud the beauty of what I had, knowing that overthinking could never be the villain of the story I was living.

It was the evening of 25th December when I made the decision: I wouldn’t text him anymore. No more checking his chat repeatedly, no more sending reels or messages, and no more scrolling through his updates. It felt like I was cutting off a source of dopamine, like withdrawing from a habit I couldn't control. But then, it seemed like I’d be ignoring him, which wasn’t my intention. So, I altered my approach: I’d only respond when he initiated a conversation. After all, he does send reels and posts, but never starts a conversation. It’s always me who takes the first step, and he just replies. I just wanted him to miss me, to feel my absence like a sudden market crash, where the absence of something essential causes a sharp decline, and the void becomes impossible to ignore. Though the silence was difficult, I trusted that the universe would understand my emotions. Whenever I felt tempted to text him, I closed my eyes and prayed to Madhav: “Prabhu, please help me. Deliver my feelings to him. Guide me, and keep me grounded.”

After few days, I received a message. It wasn’t a reel or a casual reply—it was a TEXT from Himmmmm. “You good?” My pulse quickened, and an unspoken relief coursed through me, as though a soothing rain had eased a long, parched drought. His words carried a weight I hadn’t expected.

For a moment, I felt an urge to let everything spill—to confess how much I missed him, to explain my silence. But I held back, determined to stick to my resolve. Instead, I replied with a simple, “hm.”

You can't imagine my state at that moment—I was so incredibly happy he noticed. I never thought he’d catch on since I’d never acted that way toward him before. I assumed my silence would go unnoticed, but it didn’t. He cared enough to ask, and that simple gesture lit me up. I knew his concern wasn’t in the way I felt for him, but on a friendly note, he asked how I was, and that alone made me smile.

I didn’t reply with my usual long texts. Instead, I went through our old chats, like a wanderer returning to familiar ground. I replayed his voice notes, one after another, as though each one held a dose of reassurance. His voice—an antidote to my tangled emotions. It was as if his words acted as a neurotransmitter, triggering a sense of peace that spread through me, soothing the chaos within. Sweet like nectar, it was the kind of remedy that could cure all the ills I had buried deep inside.

. 

. 

. 

Oh, wait, wait—he replied!

"HM with one M? Nah, not really."

Ohhhh, my goodness, should I cry? I honestly didn’t expect him to pick up on the subtle tone of my words, but he did. Now, I was stuck in this vortex of contemplations. Should I reply? Should I leave it unseen? Or maybe just... overthink some more?

I realized something this week that Love isn’t just about pain or longing—it’s about growth. And through this, I’ve grown stronger than I ever thought I could be. I’ve learned to face my emotions head-on instead of running from them. It’s not just about the destination; it’s about the journey and the lessons it brings along the way.

I thought not responding to his texts would help me conquer my overthinking. And to some extent, it did. It gave me the self-control to calm the storm in my mind. But it also taught me something deeper: the feelings I had for him weren’t as invisible as I had believed. He noticed the subtle shift in me, and that simple realization made me feel valued.

I had convinced myself that by cutting off communication, I was doing the right thing. I would focus solely on my studies, avoid looking at my phone, reduce my screen time, and immerse myself in books—nothing else. But that plan never materialized as I expected. In trying to quiet my overthinking, I found myself feeling more uneasy. And, being at a distance, we hardly had time for each other. And I completely stopped talking to him. "Arey, baat hi nahi hogi to, how will our bond grow stronger? How will I get to know him better?" Then, it hit me: the problem wasn't him, it was my overthinking. If I could learn to control it, I’d be able to handle everything else with more clarity and peace. He’s a good person, and I hold no ill will toward him. But sometimes, my own thoughts get the better of me, turning me into someone I don’t want to be. Now, I’m finally learning to let go of those toxic patterns, finding peace, and becoming someone who understands better.

I used to have this belief—this excuse—that I was an overthinker, incapable of loving or being loved, and that no one would ever accept me for who I am. But I realized that was just fear talking. If I truly want someone to stand beside me, I have to work on myself. I have to win the battles inside my own mind.

What this 2024 taught me was :

Never let your overthinking become an excuse. Instead, master it, and watch how beautifully your emotions and relationships transform.