The Stranger I Like (1.7)

 Fret 

– A state of worry or anxiety 

I don’t know why, but a strange selfishness has taken root in my heart. It’s not jealousy exactly, but a fear—a persistent fear that lingers like a shadow at sunset. What if he gets close to someone else? What if, one day, I open my phone and get to see him inviting me on his wedding? (He is not that old, but still😂) The thought pierces me, like the faint ache of a distant thunderstorm yet to arrive.

“Wait!”  such a RIDICULOUS thought 💀

MARRIAGE? ?? 

That’s sooooo far away. 

Why am I letting my mind spiral into such deep waters? Noooo, no. I need to stay positive. I can’t let my imagination turn every passing cloud into a storm.

But when I was looking up his pictures I came across something that tightened the knot in my heart. Most comments on his photos were decent, simple praises of the serene views he had captured. But one comment from a girl caught my eye:

“Alexa, what should I comment on my crush's post?”

It didn’t surprise me that someone had a crush on him—I mean, how could they not? He’s the kind of person who turns ordinary moments into poetry. But his reply to her struck me harder than I’d expected.

"Alexa, your crush has a crush on you, so you can go with anything you want." 

That one reply landed in my heart like a pebble dropped into a still pond, rippling my thoughts endlessly. Did he lie when he said he was single? Why reply to her and no one else? My mind became a whirlwind of questions, each one louder than the last.

I wasn’t sad, but I wasn’t at peace either. I told myself to stop overthinking, but my heart wouldn’t listen. Instead of letting my mind churn up strange scenarios, I decided to ask him directly. It was a lazy Sunday morning, while he was still shaking off his sleep from a hectic week, I texted him: “Who is she?”

The question was blunt, but he answered with the same calmness that always anchored me. “She’s just an online friend,” he said. “She had a crush on me and even proposed, but I didn’t accept.”

Curious, I asked why as she was undeniably beautiful. He replied, "I'm not ready for it. I'm busy with my life and work. I can't handle all these now." 

His words calmed the storm inside me. But still, the echo of his reply to that comment triggered, like the faint hum of a melody you can’t forget.

I tried brushing it aside and focusing on my work. But next day in college, my friends started teasing me by his name. Yeah I haven't mentioned his name yet I know but they had a list of names for him as : “Pinterest wala banda,” “Dimple Boy,” “Sexy Brain,” “Athlete Guy” “Handsome Guy” etc, I laughed along, but secretly, it felt good to hear those names.

Still, I couldn’t help but wonder—am I overthinking all this? Should I let things remain as they are and not analyze every little detail? Or is this just my way of making sense of what I feel? A deeper, quieter whisper of doubt. Am I expecting too much from him? I shouldn’t, I know that. But how do I quiet this hope, this longing?

A part of me wants to text him and say: “I think, I'm disturbing you, I must stop texting you more” But even in imagining this, my heart aches. I don’t want him to simply reply with: "As you wish, I've nothing to say ." 

What I want, desperately, is for him to stop me. To ask: " Why? What happened? Why are you suddenly behaving like this? I Never said I'm disturbed by you "

But why would he say that? He doesn’t even consider me that close.The thought leaves me with a heavy emptiness, like a flower wilting under a hidden weight. I don’t want to be sad, but I can’t deny that the little things—those fleeting moments of connection—made me so happy. And just as easily, the absence of those things can tug at my heartstrings, pulling me into sorrow.

Am I being childish? Am I wrong to feel this way? Isn’t this what happens when you truly like someone? Or is it just foolish overthinking?

I can almost hear his voice in my mind, brushing off my thoughts saying: "It's just stupid overthinking". 

Now here’s the thing—I know he doesn’t like overthinkers. In that case, I’ll be the reddest flag on his radar. 

Ughhh, well, I’ve got an idea!!!

Why not be his patient and ask for therapy instead? He can’t dislike me for overthinking if it’s his duty to treat me!

(Ayy don't worry, am not that much of an overthinker that would need therapy but yeah if it's him am ready to be his patient. )

You know, one thing I saw in a book really touched me. It said:

"YOU DON'T TRULY LOVE SOMEONE UNTIL THEY HAVE HURT YOU AND YOU STILL THINK OF THEM AS THE GREATEST PERSON IN THE WORLD ."

This line hit me hard, and it gave me clarity about my emotions.Till now, I’ve only found happiness in watching his pictures, smiling at my own blushing stupidity, and getting happier by the smallest things related to him. We barely get time to talk, we’ve never even met, yet I concluded that he’d never hurt me. I know it for sure because he’s such a sweet man—he wouldn’t ever do that—not intentionally, at least.

But then, I ask myself: What if I got hurt unintentionally by his actions? Would I still like him this way?

And the answer is simple—I don’t think my feelings are that fragile.

Because honestly, it’s not about how much we talk or interact; it’s about the fact that I’m drawn to him for who he is. He doesn’t have to try too hard to impress me, nor does he need to. Just being himself is enough to captivate me.

Sometimes, I find him liking my Instagram story, even though he hasn't seen my texts. It disturbs me a little, but I remind myself that he’s busy. Social media is just a break for him—not a priority.

Yet, The inner me thinking, “Kaash… woh reply karte, baatein hoti…”

But even in this longing, my feelings don’t waver. And that’s when it hits me—my emotions aren’t shallow. They’re not dependent on his attention.They’re built on admiration, respect, and the joy he unknowingly brings to me. He could go days without chatting, and I’d still find myself smiling at his pictures, visiting his profile. There’s a contentment in simply admiring him.

But then, there’s always this question in the back of my mind:

Is this LOVE ? Or just foolish OVERTHINKING disguised as affection?